Sunday Thoughts Twinkle Johar

“If a rape victim could get ears to listen to her.”

Yes, I still often wake up in the middle of night, haunted by those horrible dreams.
Yes, my physical pain is long gone but the emotional and mental trauma is yet to be healed.
No, I won’t ever agree that it was my fault, despite of the people blaming me for the sin that I never commited but the one that was done upon me.
No, I’m not okay, and that’s okay.
Yes, that’s okay because I know I still have a life ahead, my eyes still hold dreams, I want to live them. Yes, I want to love myself.
Yes, I’m a victim.
Yes, I know I’ve been and will always be blamed.
My neighbours look at me with disgust, my parents treat me like a liability, my friend is not allowed by her family to meet me.
Yes, I know that it’s always the girl’s fault in the eyes of society.
But if you see through my vision, I’m still a lady.
I was told that I’m a goddess when I was very young and gradually I learned all women are being said so, only to cage them. And if I’m a goddess, Maa Durga won’t be upset with me being a part of her celebration.
I’m a lady and I have sisters, I know there’s still a girl who knows how all her life she has been treated secondary when compared to her brother, there’s a mother who was forced to drop her child because she was a girl, and there are a lot of women facing one or the other oppressions.
I know all my sisters would love to come and unite with me, I know I’ll seem happy while playing shindoor khela with them.
I’ll laugh openly and dress up according to my will, do all sringars, I know I’ll be questioned, “How can you be happy?” and “Why are you playing? You’re impure.”
But
“ऐसी भी क्या खुशियां,
जिसमे सब साथ नहीं।
ऐसी भी क्या प्रथा,
जिसमे मेरा खुल के हंसना
ना लगे सही?”

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